Have you ever had a reaction that felt bigger than the situation itself?
Maybe someone doesn’t respond to your message and you immediately feel rejected.
Maybe someone says something that makes you feel like you’re not good enough.
Maybe you find yourself people-pleasing, struggling to say no, needing reassurance, feeling abandoned, or becoming overwhelmed when someone is upset with you.
You may find yourself thinking:
“Why do I react like this?”
Sometimes, the answer isn’t found only in what’s happening today.
Sometimes, something happening in the present is touching a much younger part of you.
What is our Inner Child?
Our inner child represents the younger parts of ourselves that carry memories, emotions, beliefs and experiences from childhood.
As children, we are constantly learning about ourselves and the world around us.
We learn whether it feels safe to express our emotions.
We learn whether our needs matter.
We learn whether we can trust others.
We learn whether we have to be perfect, quiet, strong, helpful or independent to feel loved and accepted.
And sometimes, without even realising it we carry those lessons into adulthood.
Perhaps you learnt to always be the strong one.
Perhaps you became the people pleaser.
Perhaps you learnt not to ask for help.
Perhaps you became very independent because relying on others didn’t feel safe.
Perhaps you learnt to hide your emotions because there wasn’t space for them.
These aren’t weaknesses.
They were often ways your younger self learnt to cope.
Why Inner Child Work Matters
Inner Child work isn’t about blaming our parents or living in the past.
It’s about becoming curious about where our patterns began.
When we can gently connect with the younger parts of ourselves, we can begin to understand.
What happened to me?
What did I need that I didn’t receive?
What did I learn about myself because of those experiences?
How are those beliefs showing up in my life today?
And perhaps the most powerful question:
What does my younger self need from me now?
Healing isn’t about going back and changing what happened.
We can’t change the past.
But we can change the relationship we have with ourselves today.
We can begin giving ourselves the safety, compassion, reassurance, boundaries and love that perhaps we didn’t know how to give ourselves before.
From Reaction to Awareness
One of the beautiful parts of this work is beginning to notice the difference between responding from our adult self and reacting from an old wound.
The next time you feel yourself becoming emotionally triggered, pause.
Take a breath.
Place your hand on your heart.
And gently ask:
“How old do I feel right now?”
“What am I really feeling?”
“What does this remind me of?”
“What does this part of me need?”
You don’t have to force an answer.
Sometimes simply creating the space to listen is where the healing begins.
A Message From Me
I believe healing happens in layers.
There can be moments when we think we’ve worked through something, only to discover another layer underneath it.
And that’s okay.
Healing isn’t about becoming someone who never gets triggered, never feels emotional or never struggles.
It’s about developing a deeper understanding of yourself.
It’s learning to meet yourself with compassion instead of judgement.
It’s recognising your patterns.
It’s learning to feel safe within yourself.
And slowly, you begin to realise:
“I don’t have to keep responding to life from the wounds of my past.”
Your inner child is a part of your story.
But they don’t have to write the rest of it.
Your Inner Child Reflection
Take a few quiet minutes this month and ask yourself:
What did I need as a child that I may still be seeking today?
Write whatever comes up without judging it.
Then ask:
How can I begin giving that to myself now?
Perhaps it’s permission to rest.
Perhaps it’s learning to say no.
Perhaps it’s asking for help.
Perhaps it’s allowing yourself to be seen.
Perhaps it’s simply telling yourself:
“I see you. I hear you. Your feelings matter. You are safe with me now.”
And remember you don’t have to do all of this alone.
Inner Child work is one of the deeper layers I explore with clients in my 1:1 work, creating a safe space to gently understand the patterns, beliefs and emotions that may still be influencing your life today.
Warm regards,
Joy
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